Travis #172

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-<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?><feed xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" ><generator uri="https://jekyllrb.com/" version="3.6.3">Jekyll</generator><link href="https://kryptokommun.ist/feed.xml" rel="self" type="application/atom+xml" /><link href="https://kryptokommun.ist/" rel="alternate" type="text/html" /><updated>2024-01-03T02:54:14+00:00</updated><id>https://kryptokommun.ist/feed.xml</id><title type="html">kryptokommunist’s blog</title><subtitle>May you be happy, friend.</subtitle><author><name>Marcus Ding</name></author><entry><title type="html">What I learned about meditation, love, and trauma on and after a TWIM retreat with Delson Armstrong</title><link href="https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2024/01/01/what-i-learned-about-meditation-love-and-trauma-on-and-after-a-twim-retreat-with-delson-armstrong.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="What I learned about meditation, love, and trauma on and after a TWIM retreat with Delson Armstrong" /><published>2024-01-01T00:00:00+00:00</published><updated>2024-01-01T00:00:00+00:00</updated><id>https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2024/01/01/what-i-learned-about-meditation-love-and-trauma-on-and-after-a-twim-retreat-with-delson-armstrong</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2024/01/01/what-i-learned-about-meditation-love-and-trauma-on-and-after-a-twim-retreat-with-delson-armstrong.html">&lt;p&gt;I have been practicing tranquil wisdom insight meditation (&lt;a href=&quot;https://library.dhammasukha.org/books.html&quot;&gt;TWIM&lt;/a&gt;), a powerful loving-kindness-based meditation system, for the last half a year with a special focus on forgiveness practice. Through that, I already discovered that I and my friends often use shame and guilt to try to control each other. After becoming aware of that I dropped a lot of these patterns. When I started on my meditative path I started with a guided &lt;a href=&quot;https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5a028RS5Ck&quot;&gt;TWIM metta meditation&lt;/a&gt;. During that practice after a month I accidentally dropped into the first and second Jhana, thinking I might be having a stroke. So after practicing different models, I returned to TWIM, knowing its power, since firstly living kindness simply feels good and also many people report that it’s the faster path and that it helps avoid dark night of the soul type of episodes.&lt;/p&gt;
+<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?><feed xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" ><generator uri="https://jekyllrb.com/" version="3.6.3">Jekyll</generator><link href="https://kryptokommun.ist/feed.xml" rel="self" type="application/atom+xml" /><link href="https://kryptokommun.ist/" rel="alternate" type="text/html" /><updated>2024-01-03T02:59:32+00:00</updated><id>https://kryptokommun.ist/feed.xml</id><title type="html">kryptokommunist’s blog</title><subtitle>May you be happy, friend.</subtitle><author><name>Marcus Ding</name></author><entry><title type="html">What I learned about meditation, love, and trauma on and after a TWIM retreat with Delson Armstrong</title><link href="https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2024/01/01/what-i-learned-about-meditation-love-and-trauma-on-and-after-a-twim-retreat-with-delson-armstrong.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="What I learned about meditation, love, and trauma on and after a TWIM retreat with Delson Armstrong" /><published>2024-01-01T00:00:00+00:00</published><updated>2024-01-01T00:00:00+00:00</updated><id>https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2024/01/01/what-i-learned-about-meditation-love-and-trauma-on-and-after-a-twim-retreat-with-delson-armstrong</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2024/01/01/what-i-learned-about-meditation-love-and-trauma-on-and-after-a-twim-retreat-with-delson-armstrong.html">&lt;p&gt;I have been practicing tranquil wisdom insight meditation (&lt;a href=&quot;https://library.dhammasukha.org/books.html&quot;&gt;TWIM&lt;/a&gt;), a powerful loving-kindness-based meditation system, for the last half a year with a special focus on forgiveness practice. Through that, I already discovered that I and my friends often use shame and guilt to try to control each other. After becoming aware of that I dropped a lot of these patterns. When I started on my meditative path I started with a guided &lt;a href=&quot;https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5a028RS5Ck&quot;&gt;TWIM metta meditation&lt;/a&gt;. During that practice after a month I accidentally dropped into the first and second Jhana, thinking I might be having a stroke. So after practicing different models, I returned to TWIM, knowing its power, since firstly loving kindness simply feels good and also many people report that it’s the faster path and that it helps avoid dark night of the soul type of episodes.&lt;/p&gt;
 
-&lt;p&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/images/TWIM/bhudda.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
+&lt;p&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/images/TWIM/bhudda.jpeg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
 
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-&lt;p&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/images/TWIM/meditationhall.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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-&lt;p&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/images/TWIM/outside.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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-&lt;p&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/images/TWIM/forrest.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
+&lt;p&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/images/TWIM/forrest.jpeg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
 &lt;p class=&quot;caption&quot;&gt; Going for a walk in the forest on the last day, the forest and sun rays were captivating as I saw the with fresh eyes like for the first time.&lt;/p&gt;
 
 &lt;h2 id=&quot;forgiveness-practice-trauma-and-finding-a-safe-anchor-in-the-heart&quot;&gt;forgiveness practice, trauma and finding a safe anchor in the heart&lt;/h2&gt;
@@ -37,7 +37,7 @@
 
 &lt;p&gt;After the retreat, I became aware of how my mind lives in the past further, which seems almost funny, like thoughts looping after getting up about not wanting to get up, because I do not want to go to school. But the school my mind thinks it’s going too is the school I went to as a teenager. Also right after getting off the retreat, right at the airport, during my meditation sit I started crying for the entire meditation sit. Then a couple of days later after the retreat ended I had a sit in front of a mirror and I experimented with sending myself love. I noticed that when I do the Alexander Technique move of relaxing my body such that I become taller and wider and additionally keep attention in my eyes I started crying. My eyes felt painful, like a burning sensation which from my understanding might be resistance to feeling grief. I kept feeling it and cried for an hour during that sit. After that, the doors were wide open. I cried every day, more after my sits during walks that lasted an hour up to three hours for the next weeks. It got pretty intense, I could catch glimpses of thoughts around this. That grief must be decade-old grief that I was never allowed to feel as a child. After a couple of weeks of that, I could also sense some feeling of hopelessness and even suicidal thoughts at times. I just noticed them and tried to send those parts of me love and compassion. The thing that ultimately stopped those thoughts from coming up again was a ketamine therapy I started later.

Also, there were some other consequences. I couldn’t lie to myself in some ways. With my master’s thesis I started to write my one-page expose and I just felt how uninterested I was in the whole topic I chose. I realised that with my job and thesis topic, I went by what others considered to be great, but what actually for me was out of alignment with my interests. And while there were fun things like going to work, dreading doing the work, and then just going into a pleasant Jhana state, which made the work more pleasant. Over the long run, I couldn’t pretend to like something I did not like. The same with friends or my roommates doing things I did not feel good about. I somehow had weeks of difficult conversations with friends where I told them things were pre-retreat I would have been too afraid to say these things, too much aggression, feeling jealous, and unkind treatment of others. I think because I found a home in my heart and was okay with feeling grief I stopped being afraid of doing things where I might lose some friendships. So I was able to take bigger risks that I was not able to do before. And I learned that doing the scary things was better for me and my friends in the long run. I was surprised by the understanding and encouragement, to be honest about what I think.&lt;/p&gt;
 
-&lt;p&gt;May you find your path in your own time towards a home in your heart friend.&lt;/p&gt;</content><author><name>Marcus Ding</name></author><category term="[&quot;meditation&quot;, &quot;jhanas&quot;, &quot;therapy&quot;, &quot;English&quot;]" /><category term="meditation" /><category term="jhanas" /><category term="therapy" /><summary type="html">I have been practicing tranquil wisdom insight meditation (TWIM), a powerful loving-kindness-based meditation system, for the last half a year with a special focus on forgiveness practice. Through that, I already discovered that I and my friends often use shame and guilt to try to control each other. After becoming aware of that I dropped a lot of these patterns. When I started on my meditative path I started with a guided TWIM metta meditation. During that practice after a month I accidentally dropped into the first and second Jhana, thinking I might be having a stroke. So after practicing different models, I returned to TWIM, knowing its power, since firstly living kindness simply feels good and also many people report that it’s the faster path and that it helps avoid dark night of the soul type of episodes.</summary></entry><entry><title type="html">My First Five-Day Silent Retreat: Jhanas &amp;amp; Alexander Technique</title><link href="https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2023/04/20/my-first-five-day-silent-retreat-jhanas-and-alexander-technique.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="My First Five-Day Silent Retreat: Jhanas &amp; Alexander Technique" /><published>2023-04-20T00:00:00+00:00</published><updated>2023-04-20T00:00:00+00:00</updated><id>https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2023/04/20/my-first-five-day-silent-retreat-jhanas-and-alexander-technique</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2023/04/20/my-first-five-day-silent-retreat-jhanas-and-alexander-technique.html">&lt;p&gt;Last week, I went on my first silent retreat at &lt;a href=&quot;https://gaiahouse.co.uk&quot;&gt;Gaia House&lt;/a&gt; in Britain. I was drawn to the place by the charm and resonance of Rob Burbea’s teachings, which I listened to on &lt;a href=&quot;https://dharmaseed.org&quot;&gt;dharmaseed.org&lt;/a&gt;. He was a resident teacher at Gaia House, and the retreat I attended was led by Catherine McGee and Yahel Avigur, both of whom were strongly influenced by his teachings. The retreat was a challenging but still surprisingly effortless and very rewarding experience.&lt;/p&gt;
+&lt;p&gt;May you find your path in your own time towards a home in your heart friend.&lt;/p&gt;</content><author><name>Marcus Ding</name></author><category term="[&quot;meditation&quot;, &quot;jhanas&quot;, &quot;therapy&quot;, &quot;English&quot;]" /><category term="meditation" /><category term="jhanas" /><category term="therapy" /><summary type="html">I have been practicing tranquil wisdom insight meditation (TWIM), a powerful loving-kindness-based meditation system, for the last half a year with a special focus on forgiveness practice. Through that, I already discovered that I and my friends often use shame and guilt to try to control each other. After becoming aware of that I dropped a lot of these patterns. When I started on my meditative path I started with a guided TWIM metta meditation. During that practice after a month I accidentally dropped into the first and second Jhana, thinking I might be having a stroke. So after practicing different models, I returned to TWIM, knowing its power, since firstly loving kindness simply feels good and also many people report that it’s the faster path and that it helps avoid dark night of the soul type of episodes.</summary></entry><entry><title type="html">My First Five-Day Silent Retreat: Jhanas &amp;amp; Alexander Technique</title><link href="https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2023/04/20/my-first-five-day-silent-retreat-jhanas-and-alexander-technique.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="My First Five-Day Silent Retreat: Jhanas &amp; Alexander Technique" /><published>2023-04-20T00:00:00+00:00</published><updated>2023-04-20T00:00:00+00:00</updated><id>https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2023/04/20/my-first-five-day-silent-retreat-jhanas-and-alexander-technique</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://kryptokommun.ist/meditation/jhanas/therapy/english/2023/04/20/my-first-five-day-silent-retreat-jhanas-and-alexander-technique.html">&lt;p&gt;Last week, I went on my first silent retreat at &lt;a href=&quot;https://gaiahouse.co.uk&quot;&gt;Gaia House&lt;/a&gt; in Britain. I was drawn to the place by the charm and resonance of Rob Burbea’s teachings, which I listened to on &lt;a href=&quot;https://dharmaseed.org&quot;&gt;dharmaseed.org&lt;/a&gt;. He was a resident teacher at Gaia House, and the retreat I attended was led by Catherine McGee and Yahel Avigur, both of whom were strongly influenced by his teachings. The retreat was a challenging but still surprisingly effortless and very rewarding experience.&lt;/p&gt;
 
 &lt;p&gt;At the end of the retreat, I went to London, which was quite a stark contrast to the quiet and peaceful scenery of the rural landscape around the retreat center oozing stillness and peacefulness. But even though it was harder to notice, I could still access the stillness within. It’s always there when I am sensitive enough to look for it. I also noticed colors more intensely and saw the positive and beautiful everywhere, all after five days of maybe six hours of daily meditation in a mix of walking and sitting meditation.&lt;/p&gt;
 

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- <p>I have been practicing tranquil wisdom insight meditation (<a href="https://library.dhammasukha.org/books.html">TWIM</a>), a powerful loving-kindness-based meditation system, for the last half a year with a special focus on forgiveness practice. Through that, I already discovered that I and my friends often use shame and guilt to try to control each other. After becoming aware of that I dropped a lot of these patterns. When I started on my meditative path I started with a guided <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5a028RS5Ck">TWIM metta meditation</a>. During that practice after a month I accidentally dropped into the first and second Jhana, thinking I might be having a stroke. So after practicing different models, I returned to TWIM, knowing its power, since firstly living kindness simply feels good and also many people report that it’s the faster path and that it helps avoid dark night of the soul type of episodes.</p>
+ <p>I have been practicing tranquil wisdom insight meditation (<a href="https://library.dhammasukha.org/books.html">TWIM</a>), a powerful loving-kindness-based meditation system, for the last half a year with a special focus on forgiveness practice. Through that, I already discovered that I and my friends often use shame and guilt to try to control each other. After becoming aware of that I dropped a lot of these patterns. When I started on my meditative path I started with a guided <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5a028RS5Ck">TWIM metta meditation</a>. During that practice after a month I accidentally dropped into the first and second Jhana, thinking I might be having a stroke. So after practicing different models, I returned to TWIM, knowing its power, since firstly loving kindness simply feels good and also many people report that it’s the faster path and that it helps avoid dark night of the soul type of episodes.</p>
 
-<p><img src="/images/TWIM/bhudda.jpg" alt="" /></p>
+<p><img src="/images/TWIM/bhudda.jpeg" alt="" /></p>
 
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