[post] Identity Dimensionality Reduction (#118)

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+!! title: "What do you do?" - Identity Dimensionality Reduction
+!! slug: identity-dimensionality-reduction
+!! published: 2024-04-29
+!! description: A discussion on what we miss and cause by asking the question "What do you do?"
+
+---
+
+"What do you do?"
+
+This question has somehow become the default question that we ask to get to know someone new, to
+catch up with old friends, or to reconnect with family that we have not seen in a while. The
+question is not quite as shallow as talking about the weather, but it is also not too deep to cause
+discomfort. 
+
+The societally expected answer to this question is to reply with a quick summary of what one does
+for employment ("I am DevOps Manager" or "I work in tech") or to reply with some version of a
+excepted excuse for not working ("I am a stay-at-home dad", "I volunteer at x,y,z, or something of
+the sort). If one's reply, probably rehearsed, is captivating enough, follow-up questions may
+follow. If not one quickly moves on and reciprocates the question to their conversational partner. 
+
+Over time, there might be a growing feeling of discontent in this type of conversation. Having this
+conversation over and over may become boring. One may come up with cheeky alternate answers to try
+to shift the conversation into a new area only to exasperate the conversational partner and end up
+having the original conversation anyway. 
+
+"I do not let one specific aspect of my life define me."
+
+"You know what I meant. You have to depend on money. What do you do to make money?"
+
+Why the discontent in the conversation? The question expects us to choose one of our many identities
+to reduce ourselves to for the validation or evaluation of others. In the US, this identity is
+chosen for us as our identity of employment and with it the potential earnings, to then be measured
+against either our conversational partner and/or the rest of society. My value as a human is first
+measured in earning potential before anything else.
+
+Dimensionality reduction of identity in conversation is at best a blocker to human connection. We
+are so much more than what we do to make money. We are each a member of other social groups; whether
+those are family, friends, clubs or other organizations. Asking someone to choose one of those
+identities to identify with limits the outcome of the conversation. What if they do not like what
+they do for employment? What if employment is just the means to do what they are really passionate
+about, like raising a family or traveling? By asking them to choose their identity of employment, we
+miss out on the stories of joys of raising a family or the passion of learning about other cultures
+from first-hand experience.
+
+The dark side of identity dimensionality reduction comes when an identity is externally chosen for
+us and applied. When one does not identify with the identity chosen, it leads to conflict (Duhigg
+2024). Conclusions about someone from generalizations and stereotypes are destructive. We can easily
+see this with easy-to-see stereotypes like racism and sexism. However, we cannot forget that there
+are additional more nuanced stereotypes as well: early birds and night owls, tall vs short, smart vs
+not smart, solo-independent living vs living at home, left vs right, etc. While these more nuanced
+stereotypes are not as societally detrimental to the individual, they also have a high risk of
+preventing human-to-human connection when assigned to someone that does not identify with it.
+
+Instead of applying these labels and accepting the stereotypes that they come with to create our
+understanding of our conversational partner, what if we step into curiosity and make the goal of
+conversations about understanding the multiple identities that our partners have and are willing to
+share? What if we seek to truly understand and see the innate value that our partners have as humans
+and find what they bring to the world? What if we set aside our ego and desire for people to be
+interested and marvel in us (the center of our universe) and instead be that for others?
+
+This is not a suggestion to be the change that we would like to see in the world. It is to instead
+to change the world that we live in by changing our perspective. We have no control over the outward
+world, we can only control our inward world (Satchidananda 2015). 
+
+---
+
+## Resources
+
+1. Duhigg, Charles. Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. First edition, Random House, 2024.
+2. Satchidananda, Sri Swami. The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali: The Book of the Spiritual Man. Start Publishing LLC, 2015.
+
+