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barbeque · Oct 24, 2024 · b68b777 · b68b777
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+<h3>2024-10-23 15:30:31 GMT</h3>
+<p>People stop me at the hoarder conferences. Usually, it&rsquo;s after my keynote speech, but sometimes it&rsquo;s just in the hall. They recognize me from my magazine covers, I guess. They&rsquo;re curious. They ask me, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m just starting out with hoarding. What&rsquo;s the most important thing to hoard first?&rdquo;</p><p>I&rsquo;ve got an answer for them, and it&rsquo;s one you might not expect, especially if you&rsquo;ve been hoarding for awhile. <i>Dowels</i>. Yes, cylindrical tubes of all kinds, cut precisely. It&rsquo;s the kind of thing we all assume that there will always be enough of, but at the time you really need it – say, in a post-apocalyptic situation – won&rsquo;t be available. Or it&rsquo;ll be too short, or the wrong material. Best to just hoard as many as you can. They&rsquo;re cheap now, sure, but who knows in the future?</p><p>You can use this hoard, before you break off all human contact, to help others. We&rsquo;ve all needed a dowel from time to time. Maybe your neighbour has a hole in their house that needs plugging. Perhaps their kid has a witch costume for Halloween, and their little broom broke in the middle because it&rsquo;s just made out of shitty plastic. A dowel can fix both these problems, and you&rsquo;ll come away seeming like a hero. That build-up of goodwill – a <i>hoard</i>, if you will – may even stay their hand when it comes time to call the cops and have you pulled out of your squalid shithole, screaming, in fifteen, twenty years.</p><p>Another good reason is that dowels are <i>awkward</i>. Very long, and they roll around if you don&rsquo;t keep an eye on them. Starting out with dowels teaches you the skills of hoarding: precision stacking, tucking things in the right spot so they don&rsquo;t roll away, keeping wooden objects away from the furnace exhaust vents. Once you&rsquo;ve mastered a hoard of dowels, you can move onto collecting an inappropriate number of any kind of trash. Plus, the word is just fun to say.</p><p>Overall, dowels are absolutely the best kind of junk to get started collecting with, if you intend to one day build a terrifying hoard of junk. Just don&rsquo;t take the ones I have piled up in my basement. I need each and every one of them, I swear I have a good use for each one.</p>
+<a href='https://seatsafetyswitch.com/post/765143214379401216/people-stop-me-at-the-hoarder-conferences'>#</a> 
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 <h3>2024-10-22 15:31:00 GMT</h3>
 <p>Most people don&rsquo;t remember Tamagotchi, but they should. Before smartphones demanded our precise focus and attention at all times, these little plastic eggs threatened us with the death of our beloved pets if we didn&rsquo;t respond to their bleeps and bloops. Feed them. Love them. Clean up their poop.</p><p>What you got, if you did everything right, was an improved and grown form of the same creature. Maybe it became a weird flying thing. Once I think I got an onion-looking guy. Incredible stuff, and it captivated our entire civilization for so long that a wave of imitators approached.</p><p>We don&rsquo;t need them. Any of them. My favourite kind of virtual pet is: <i>car</i>.</p><p>All of my shitboxes also need constant attention, often while still being used. I have to tend to each car&rsquo;s special needs. For instance, if I were to turn the stereo up too far, and drown out a critical sound, I could miss the moment the front control arms fall off the car. Those are kind of important parts, but I was able to catch it in time, and pull into a Walmart parking lot. Or at least the driveway of one.</p><p>Good news, though. While I was waiting for a fleet of screeching Amazon drones to deliver me some replacement control arms, I walked into the Walmart to get some air conditioning, and found in the process that they still sold Tamagotchis. I was able to play with them for a good hour or two before the clerks chased me out. Which, if you ask me, is cruelty to animals. Those little bleepity-bloopity squid dudes <i>needed me</i>.</p>
 <a href='https://seatsafetyswitch.com/post/765052647891992576/most-people-dont-remember-tamagotchi-but-they'>#</a>