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 haibot 
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"An awesome IRC bot that will make your IRC channel _better_." -Swizec Teller

Check the sources for what he's about and what you might need to start him.
I realize it's a lot to ask, but you must work to get to know this guy ;)
Databases not included to ensure each haibot has his own special magic.
Also, your computer can possibly still get hacked through this bot :)

You're probably wondering about the special magic that makes him tick, right?
Here's the secret: The magic is config and .db files!

.config - IRC & other settings. ("key value" format)
    folder, name, serv, chan, login, owner
.apikeys - API keys. ("key value" format)
    bitly1, bitly2, novatel_user, novatel_pass
<folder from .config>/
    msgs.db - used for @msgs, can/should be empty
    events.db - used for @event, can be empty (also doesn't really work)
    lasttweets.db - used by the twitter part, will be autopopulated if t is setup
    trusted.db - list of names that can maybe do a bit more than the unknowns.
    awww.db - words that might appear in sites with cute pictues and such. 
    noawww.db - words that negate the cuteness (e.g. dolphin rape caves)
    meh.db - words that might appear in sentences you'd say "meh." to.
    nomeh.db - some things just are awesome... negate the mehness.
    twss.db - some snippets that would make one say "that's what she said".
    bots.db - the names of other known bots on the channel.
    dontmention.db - don't mention these names, because it might annoy them.
    females.db - to phrase certain replies correctly.
    males.db - to phrase certain replies correctly.
util/
    badexts.db - some extensions you don't want to even consider downloading
    stoplist.db - stopwords for some text processing
    weights - some weights for wordnet
    
But there's more to haibot than config files - there's also dependencies:
    pircbot - Java IRC Bot -- autodownloaded
    boilerpipe - the article extractor library -- autodownloaded
    WordNet - lexical db for English (prolog version) -- autodownloaded
    bitlyj - A DSL for Bitly-powered Url Shortening Services -- autodownloaded
    t - twitter CLI client -- you need to set it up manually
    ocrad gocr tesseract-ocr - OCR engines -- use sudo apt-get?