WITCH_WIDE_WEB_SERVICE

#!/bin/bash

THE_PLACE_WHERE_WITCHES_LIVE=${BASH_SOURCE%/*}
THE_MAX_WIDTH_A_WITCH_CAN_SEE=44
I_KEEP_MY_BOOKS_ON_AN=old-and-dusty.bookshelf
I_LEARNT_EVERYTHING_I_KNOW_FROM=A-Thousand-Spells-Every-Witch-Needs-To-Know.book

function summon_from {
  full_path=$THE_PLACE_WHERE_WITCHES_LIVE/$1
  echo $(head -$((${RANDOM} % `wc -l < $full_path` + 1)) $full_path | tail -1)
}

read -r -d '' HIT_EM_WITH <<SPARKLE
a $(summon_from $I_KEEP_MY_BOOKS_ON_AN) to $(summon_from $I_LEARNT_EVERYTHING_I_KNOW_FROM)
SPARKLE

read -r -d '' GREETZ <<HEART
$(tput setaf 5)$(tput bold)
  ,ad8PPPP8b,     ,d88PPP8ba,  
 d8P"     "Y8b, ,d8P"      Y8b 
dP'           "'"            Yd
I8     ✨                     8I
Yb,        hello user  ✨    ,dP 
 "8a,      welcome to     ,a8" 
   "8a,     online!     ,a8"   
     "Yba             adP"     
         Y8a   ✨    a8P'         
           "8b   d8"           
              888'              
$(tput sgr0)$(tput bold)
 < PLEASE DO YOUR BEST >
$(tput sgr0)
═══════ 🎀  💀  🎀  ═══════
To-day's Spell
━━━ ★ ━━━
$(echo $HIT_EM_WITH | fmt -w $(($THE_MAX_WIDTH_A_WITCH_CAN_SEE/2)))
════════════════════════
HEART

while IFS= read -r line; do
  gutter=$(((THE_MAX_WIDTH_A_WITCH_CAN_SEE - ${#line}) / 2))
  printf "%${gutter}s%s%${gutter}s\n" "" "$line" ""
done <<< "$GREETZ"