cards-DevOpsAgainstHumanity.csv

#devopsagainsthumanity,http://devopsagainsthumanity.com
White Cards (noun or gerund - single word or phrase),Black Cards (direct question or fill-in-the-blank statement with one blank or two) (5 underscores = blank)
Angular js,Googelure.js
A former MENSA member,140 characters is just enough to explain _____.
Being acquired by Oracle,_____ all the way down.
Brogrammers,_____ as a service.
Command-line magic,_____ dooms any project to epic failure.
Continuous integration,"_____ is a feature, not a bug."
Copypasta,_____ is for closers.
The Cult of Mac,_____ is weaponized privilege.
Degraded performance in some AWS availability zones,_____ is webscale.
Developers,_____ or it didn't happen.
DevOps,_____ with one weird trick.
Eating sushi with Andrew Clay Shafer,"_____, as one does."
fuckedcompany.com,"_____, for some values of _____."
Git,Ask Me Anything about __________.
Golang,Called on account of __________.
Growth hacking,Disrupting the established players in __________ via __________.
Hacker News,Doge __________.
Larry Ellison,Employees must __________ before returning to work.
Leaky abstractions,Enterprise __________ in the cloud.
LinkedIn,Enterprise-ready __________.
Meritocracy,Epic yak-shave caused by __________.
MongoDB,Facebook has acquired __________ for $10b and __________.
Node.js,Free as in __________.
NPM,Glitter-bombed with __________.
Pareto Inefficient Nash Equilibriums,"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such commit messages as __________ and __________."
Posting on Etsy's codeascraft blog,How even is __________ formed?
Python,I can haz __________.
Python datetime module,I don't own any jeans skinny enough to wear to a __________ meetup.
Rebasing the entire fucking repo,I saw the best minds of my generation __________.
RecruiterFail,"If __________ is the answer, you are asking the wrong question."
Ruby,"If you're __________, you're gonna have a bad time."
Running out of IPv4 addresses,Nobody ever got fired for buying __________.
Sysadmins,Running Windows in production leads to __________.
The Stanford of Canada,"The Internet is for cat memes and __________,"
Thought leadership,"""Our release schedule doesn't have time for _____."""
Twitter,The Internet of Things will be controlled by __________.
Unicode errors,The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is __________.
Unknown source in your stack trace,Uber is on surge pricing because of __________.
Waiting for console.aws.amazon.com,WARN: __________ has been deprecated.
Women in tech,Will merge pull requests for __________.
Yet another package manager,Zero-day __________.
Our Release Engineer,Time to schedule the postmortem for _____________ .
DevOps Days,It worked on my ___________.
Bullshit.io,"___________, the only thing worse than recruiting spam."
OpenSSL,___________ - the idiots guide to ___________ and ___________.
Heartbleed,Put some ______ on it
The NSA,Wrap it with the _________ duct tape
O'Reilly,But Google is using _________ so we should too!
Edward Snowden,____________ is the new __________.
Digital Ocean,Etsy says we should __________ everything.
Magic Spray,xkcd.com just made a hilarious comic making fun of ___________.
Web scale,This isn't going to be all unicorns and _________.
Functional programming,Apple just patented ___________________________.
Stack trace generator,When I was a kid we didn't have __________.
Patent,Root cause of the outage? ________________.
NoSQL,"The status console is green, but I can't access _________________."
Windows XP,No route to host: ____________.
Perl 6,DevOps: Now with 100% more ________________!
COTS Shareware,Main benefits of automation: ____________________ and ___________________.
2400 baud modem,Chef convergence failed due to _________________.
A squirrel with a taste for fiber,...and then there was the time I found ___________ on the root partition.
Zombie processes,We run production on _____________ and _________________.
CAP Theorem,Management said it's OK to deploy _________________ at 5pm on Friday 
Snowflake server,Did you know that we have ______________ on pager rotation?
A Cisco router with a flaky chip,"""There was no good solution for _______________, so we built our own."""
NullPointerException: null,Amazon built a datacenter on the moon to lessen the risk of _________________ causing problems.
Apache 1.2 running as root,"In order to improve security, we're upgrading to _______________."
More buzzwords than you can shake a scrum at,The two pillars of our Continuous Deployment pipeline are ___________________ and ___________________.
A GitHub Outage,I got paged at 3am because of _____________________.
VisualBasic DLLs,The most stable part of our infrastructure? _____________________
A JAR full of spaghetti,"When I told Jez Humble about our ______________, he actually cried."
An epic caffeine bender,"When I write a book about my experiences, it'll be called ""________________, the good parts"""
A WSDL from 2003,Restoring from backups failed due to _________________________.
The Sales & Marketing department,My two most indispensable tools are ______________ and _______________.
Business logic in PowerPoint slides,The production datacenter burned down because of __________________.
/var/log symlinked to /dev/null,"It turns out that the button labeled ""Don't Push"" actually does ___________."
Hypervisors running hypervisors running hypervisors,You should think of your servers like ________ and not like _________.
An angry badger with an electromagnet on its back,I find Java to be way too ________.
A shared root password,It's like trying to herd ______.
Private keys in /var/www,I ended up having to buy a replacement _______ on eBay.
Parsing HTML with regex,_______ is more memory than anyone will ever need on a computer.
"A 3.5"" floppy disk",__________ Driven Development.
An untested restore process,RIAA is suing me for downloading ________.
A cron job that reboots the server every 5 minutes,Security? We've got that! We use ______________.
Apache Zookeeper on a 286,I came up with an awesome regex that converts ____________ to _______________.
Sadness as a Service,"When I hooked the 3D printer up to the Internet, it accidentally created _______________."
Cloud-based business strategy,My next blog post will be about how we used _______________ to create _______________.
Cloud 2.0,"So, I was using Wireshark to check network traffic... Did you know we have ________________ in production?"
The next Y2K,My eyes started bleeding when I opened the editor and saw _______________.
"An army of chaos monkeys, all carrying flamethrowers",I think maybe I'll leave ______________ off my resumé.
A CORBA service written in Ada which communicates using JSONx,We don't need ______________ - we have _______________ !
A home-rolled systemd replacement,Management just told me I need to get certified in ____________________.
A custom kernel with Frontpage Extensions installed,"Our app is like ___________, but for ________________."
A mobile web 2.0 RIA,"Marketing says we're leaders in the _______________ space, but I think it's more accurate to say we specialize in ___________."
Agony-Driven Development,Our greatest achievement in the last year is ________________.
Catastrophic Failure as a Service,"If we make this deadline, Management has promised us ___________________."
"10,000 Nagios alerts per second",Sweet! I just found a Puppet module for ______________!
A global write lock,"Last week, I created a Chef recipe for ____________; this week, it's an entire cookbook for ____________. Automation FTW!"
75-tier architecture,We really need to open-source our _________________.
Hand-crafted artisan x86 assembly code,A sales rep just tried to pitch me on ____________; I told them we already have ______________.
The world's only fully-functional ROFLcopter,Who would have known that ___________ could destroy an entire datacenter?
A proof that P=NP written in BASIC,"To secure our next round of funding, Management says we need ________________."
An Exchange email loop,Our production backups are stored using _________________.
A Volker-Craig terminal,We replaced our _________ with ______________
A self-aware PHP script,"After _________________ came up, the retrospective really went downhill."
A 500-megabyte UDP packet,"You know what our app needs? More ______________, less ____________."
The last remaining Multics server on Earth,It figures - an article about our ________________ was posted just as we're pivoting to _______________.
A Null-modem cable,"In the next planning session, we'll cover __________ and _______________."
A turducken made entirely of bash scripts,Our competitive advantage is our __________________.
Write-only code,"Every time someone brings up ______________, I throw up a little in my mouth."
PagerDuty configured with a random number generator,Continuous ___________.
Netscape Navigator 3.2 support,All that we had to do to halve our response times was implement ________________
3 hour standups,Our entire app is geared towards providing ________________.
A Piñata full of error messages,_________-ility
Mutation of immutable data,We just achieved _____________s per second!
Maven downloading the entire internet,http://i.imgur.com/546N4FR.jpg
Continuous Disintegration,"_______, is that even HA?"
IE6,My Linkedin Endorsements include __________________.
Scrum Master,Users are _______.
Magic Smoke,Robots are going to make ________ obsolete.
done done,Accidental _________.
Tech Debt Day,An error occurred: E_______
Log Shipping,"According to the logs, ____________ was initially caused by ___________."
uucp,We can just fix that with a little ______.
4chan Party Van,"You can have _____, _____, or _____.  Pick two."
Adderall,"A monad is just a _____ in the category of _____, what's the problem?"
Tcl,"Functional programming - if you can't ______ it, ______ it."
NoOps,"On a scale from 1 to 10, this is ___________!"
An angry whale shitting containers,"We don't need configuration management, we have ________!"
:(){ :|:&};:,"_______, now with _______ support."
Too Big Data,RedHat has announced that RHEL 8 will ship with _______.
Accidentally the entire data center,"""Hey, _______ is down. Can you fix it?"""
freebasing caffeine,I grabbed _____ on my way out the door after our paychecks bounced and management stopped answering their phones.
Fat fingered,Did you try ____________ yet?
Half open TCP connections,I was 6 beers in when I got the pager alert that _______was down.
Steve Balmer wielding a battleaxe,Notice: Building _____________ for ______________
A 50k line Bash script that's achieved self awareness,I laughed when they said I'd be on call 24/7 but wouldn't receive a stipend for _____.
Gigadevops,If it weren't for __________ we'd all be ___________.
Enterprise Grade Bash scripts,"_______, _______ and just a few lines of Perl."
Agile,NoSQL is superior to SQL because __________
A pink sombrero and a fifth of tequila,Script kiddies got into _________ because _________.
A simple 15 level Hiera hierarachy,______________is better than hadoop because ___________
lolscale.,Disturbing ____ leaves ____ fucked
CouchDB,Rub a little _____________ on it
GeoCouchDB,"WAIT, YOU DELETED _______‽‽‽"
High Availability,@______borat
Map-Reduce,"It's not web scale, it's ___________"
Web Scale?,The tech support hotline told me to ________________
Erlang,Asynchronous REST API calls are the solution to ______________
a non-ironic BSOD,Say concurrent threads again and I will ____________ you.
ntpdate,"""Guys, seriously, if we just use ___________ it will solve all our problems with ____________!"""
Systemd,Facebook changed their profiles today because ______.
12 factor application,github.com/_____/_______
"Fail early, fail often",Hello. My name is _______ and I am addicted to _______ .
Regex,_________ dependency hell.
A violation of the most basic engineering principles.,"That talk outline said it would be about ___________, but it ended up being more like ____________."
The BOFH,I will replace you with a very small ______.
A water buffalo,Jordan Sissel hates ______ so much that he created a new opensource project called _________ to work around it.
a routing loop,________ isn't a job title
a queue with no consumers,For the next project we are going to use _________ to solve _________ .
Bitcoin mining,My editor of choice is __________.
A firewall full of holes,_____ it; ship it.
An uncontrollable deluge of emails,__________-Stack Developer
I heard about it on hacker news,__________SQL
Ycombinator,"That's not a hacker, that's my __________!"
a jailbroken iPad,It has been __ days since the last ______
"""Fuck it, we'll do it live!""",I've _____ things you people wouldn't ________
Vagrant,The _________ on the server were deleted because _________ .
Nokogiri Gem,"This week, Aphyr runs _____ through jepsen."
Docker,The intern just ran ______ on the load balancer.
"a ""MRW"" animated gif",I need you to do a _________ with _________ before _________ .
$HOME/.gem,Lambdas are just a lame implementation of _____________.
"a posting on Craigslist ""internet engineers"" jobs forum",C-x; C-__________
ssh in a for loop,This users wants _________ because _________ .
a cold cup of coffee,_________ should be deprecated in favour of _________ .
Destroying your tools with your tools,_________ mismatch between ________ and ________
UTF-9,I put _________ on the scripts to make it run faster.
a dozen vendor t-shirts,"Developers do not get access to production machines, because of __________."
unlimited data plan,Developers need access to production machines because __________.
UTF-7,We run ______ in a cron job every 15 minutes.
out-of-band access,The client says it needs more _________ .
rm -rf /,We're a __________ as a Service company.
kill -9,I could hire a __________ to do your job!
a series of tiny shellscripts,"My next Velocity talk is called ""____ops"""
Dogecoin,The RFO for the global outage was ____ compunded by _____
Kernel panic,I was hired to maintain this 20 year old script that runs our critical _______ infrastructure.
Hugops!,Amazon Elastic _________
Lolcats,"I know we use __________, but I wrote this critical program in __________."
Culture,I'll just have Ops spin up a couple of _______ environments.
Percussive maintenance,I'm writing my next IRC bot with ____________.
IE 7 Support,SIG____
Hangops,I cannot wait until someone makes a __________ cluster out of these.
Unix philosophy,C will finally be displaced by _________
Trying to install MongoDB on AIX 3,__________.io
A server rack full of crushed dreams,"We don't need to worry about _________, We're using MongoDB."
Node.js,Why is ______ better than Hadoop?
Silos,FC067: ________________
Elastic Load Balancers,"Oh, the _____ is just a hack to get the ____ to run."
RFC1178,How do I even __________ ?
Full-stack developer,________ all the things.
Andrew Clay Shaffer,ERROR: ______ NOT FOUND
Jordan Sissel,"We don't need backups, we've got __________."
A new printer.,Fixing your fathers computer with _________.
A potato,it's always a ____________ DNS problem
Office Space,_______________ with this one weird trick.
Git Blame,"________ isn't new, we used to do it in the '70s on mainframes."
Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!,Puppet is better than Chef because ______ and __________
Your account,How is ______ better than ________ ?
Single stepping through the kernel,Learn ____ the hard way
De-linting source code,vagrant up ________
Significant whitespace,bollocks up _______
Smart quotes,You can fix  __________ with _____________ .
A series of tubes,We took the plunge and rewrote _______ in Go
secret sauce,Implementing _____________ should take only 2 lines of code.
# What is this used for?,I accidentally the entire ___________ is this dangerous?
,Good enough for ________ work
"# FIXME: For now, just don't validate","Yeah, but can it run _________?"
ASAP,Security through _____.
Nagios,_________? You can safely ignore that. Usually.
The Goddamn CDN,____ isn't cool. You know what's cool? _____
Authentication and authorization,"I made a new editor, better than vim and emacs. It's called _______________"
A cluster of applications on a cluster of servers,640k should be enough for __________.
Beating the server into submission with your bare hands.,____________ worked in dev.
Read-only Fridays,You can't fix _________
r/sysadmin,How hard could it be to port Linux to ___________.
Distributed Computing,I just finished working on my rocket powered _______.
Sprint Planning,Richard Stallman will kill you with his teeth for __________.
Merge Conflicts,DB tuning wiith _______.
"# we *LIE* about what happened and return a ""success""",Can anyone help me get _______ running on Cisco IOS?
Unplugging a server and waiting to see who complains,Real _________ don't use ______________
THE MAGMA PEOPLE ARE WAITING FOR OUR MISTAKES.,________ on XEN
a tiny ounce of knowledge,Please bring back __________. You broke my workflow.
Too big to fail,I cut-and-pasted this StackOverflow code for my ________.
NoQA Movement,I'm just finishing up my manifesto on ______________.
A few instances,r/_____.
operations hipster,We can discuss ______ at the stand-up meeting.
Cowboy developer,A Beowulf cluster of ____________.
cubism farm,We're demoing _____ for ______ at SXSW.
HipChat,I aliased ________ to git _________.
An IRC bot written entirely in sed,"10 PRINT ""____________""; GOTO 10"
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻,alt.binaries._________
works for me,It is completely dark. You are likely to be eaten by a ____________.
a torrent of Torrenters torrenting,Conway's Game of _______.
COBOL,Next year I'll start learning ________________
in b4 FIRST,s/______/______/g
Donald Knuth,________ is the newest gTLD
Rebooting All The Things,Works on my ______.
Running Openstack in Production,One does not simply _____________
the Berkshelf way,"Sorry, you'll need to open a ticket before we can __________."
DNS,ln -s ______ _______
SIGHUP,_______
Animated GIF,__________ is dead.
Heartbleed,It compiles __________ to JavaScript.
PC LOAD LETTER,____________. What the fuck does that mean?
Automate,________-to-butt plugin
Delightful,Make it _______________.
Cache,______coin.
Proxy,_______ computing
an online book seller,grep _____ | mail ______
Dust Bunnies,______ just got pwned.
Pete Cheslock,"It's like __________, but with __________ and list comprehensions."
Networking,Software Defined ____________.
A sad log with a mustache,"I don't have any UNIX Beards in stock, but we do have  _________"
Blue Screen Of Death,"Amazon does _______, why can't we?"
iso 8601,_________ nagios
Daniel J. Bernstein,I can't believe you're still using __________.
Linus Torvalds,/dev/______: Device is busy
Broadcom chipset,"________. You don't exist, go away!"
Moe,I tried __________. The doctors say I'll never walk again.
That XKCD comic about sysadmins,git --____________
iso 8859,The _______ Public License.
RFC 1149,_____ begins with _____.
A pimply faced youth with nothing to lose,Couldn't we use _____?
Theo de Raadt yelling at newbs,_________ would be so much better if we rewrote it in Clojure.
Hate driven development,So I just found _______ and __________ running in a screen session.
Lotus123,Why is root running ________ under tmux?
/dev/null as a service,"Instead of installing _______, what if we just used __________?"
Hackathons,I need a webinar like I need _________________.
GNU/Linux,"Fuck it, time to break out the emergency __________."
ZeroVM,"On the plus side, we finally got rid of ________."
Stringing cloudtobutt.pl into postfix.,________ thought leader.
ZeroMQ over SSH,Fuck it: _____ looks good to me.
SQLite,It looks like you're trying to __________. Can I help?
LevelDB,bash: command not found: ___________
Leap second bug,ETOOMUCH_________
The fucking JVM,How did ________ ever work?
continuous deployment,"Whoops, I thought that method was supposed to ________ the __________."
Tor,I thought you said __________ was secure?
bash,git: You are in detached ________ state.
numactl,Why don't we just fork __________ ?
zsh,Network dropped connection because of ___________.
Standing around outside on the streets of SOMA with an overheating laptop drunk while fixing your god damn Saturday night deployment.,We turned off ________ and everything magically got better.
Vegan friendly init scripts.,I found a Samba share full of ___________
Committing from the bar.,_________. What could go wrong?
Servers that follow daylight savings time.,Install ______
Rolling Grubhub into the build failed script.,I installed ________ by accident.
command line options,Read-eval-__________-loop.
Temporary hotfixes,We should try it with an actual _________.
jsLinux,Is __________ something we need to optimize for?
SIGKILL,Hack __________ into redis.
Your private browsing history,_______ Considered Harmful
Wearing protection during peer programing.,never ________ before a demonstration
top,The ___________ is used when the CPU is on fire
Arguing over the internet.,modperl can be used to implement _______________
year 2038,__________ runs Ruby as root
dd,Larry Wall trained as missonary then _________________
pdisk,Listening to the fans in the server farm leads to _________________
rsync,_________ and _____________ are rumoured to be working on a python module for a helicam
CFLAGS,A lot of disk space is needed for __________
cowsay,automagical ___________
profanity in the git log,Whoever made the unscheduled change to production on Friday will be forced to use _____.
Gentoo,Install _____
The CEO,Never question the ____
Ping Pong,I can't wait until we no longer use _____
Dennis Ritchie,I bet if we switch to ______ it will just work
PAM Happy Hour,_____ has just discovered _____.  We're doomed.
Complex systems usually operate in failure mode.,A neckbeard made of ______________.
FAT32,"False alarm, it was just __________ running ____________."
winsock,_____ running on a rack of _____.
fork() on Windows,"No, _____ being hopelessly broken is NOT an emergency."
runlists,Our new startup is the _____ for ______.
sudo,_____ make me a sandwich
"echo shell_exec(""sudo ./smbkill "".escapeshellcmd($_GET['kill'])."" 2>&1"");",_____ over IP
kill -9 -1,
curl 4chan | sudo sh,"I AM working, I'm waiting for the _____ run to finish."
cassandra,
HTML9 Responsive Boilerstrap JS,The first rule of _____ is: You do not talk about _____.
Neckbeards,Google Analytics says 100% of my website visitors are _________
A Certified SCRUM Master,_______will never get job in Microsoft
Bus error,
git reset --hard origin/master,We can _____ just like Netflix
Forcing push to master,_____ is how I resolve all merge conflicts.
Paxos,Why does someone keep re-implementing system utilities in _____?
LogFiles\W3SVC1,Remember when you told me to tell you when you were acting ______ and ______? ---you're doing it now. 
A German installation of Windows NT4,Our only hope at recovering the data is _____________
curl | sh -c,_____: the gift that keeps on giving.
OpenLDAP,________ has been killed with fire.  My work is done here.
Spot Instances,Problem exists between Keyboard and _____
Those ksh scripts,100% government funded _____!
/cgi-bin/php5,The _____ certification program.
A $60 QNAP and some positive thinking,_____? I'd hit that.
raspberryPI,_____ makes robots moves
Windows ME,I just finished writing an API for _____.
@echo off,_____ is a batch command to shut the fuck up
Active Directory,_____.  Failed to cache catalog.
conflict minerals,Everytime you allocate you have to _______ when you're done
continuous incineration,"Sorry, I'm all out of _____-fu."
The gentle sound of weeping drifting from the server room,90% of everything is __________.
eventual consistency,"Given enough _____, all bugs are _____."
Microsoft® Azure,_________ never use on git
Pinging the broadcast address,The first 90% of development is _____. The second 90% is _____.
That moment when you realize CTRL-Z cannot save you,"When you logged in there, did you see a _______ that said ________"
127.0.0.1,Purely numeric hostname and not a _______ -----rejecting!
Ethernet,I'm pretty sure ________ isn't thread safe
IPv6,We don't have to worry about CAP Theorem because of _____.
Re-writing deployment scripts at 2 AM,"I don't always test my code, but when I do I do it in _____."
Piping /var/log/messages to Twitter,"Those who don't understand _____ are condemned to reinvent it, poorly"
Bare metal,"Of course culture is important to us, that's why we have _____."
A pseudorandom number generator,The NSA is really interested in our latest project: _____.
An outage window,"Just change the ________, it'll be fine. "
Sentinel System Driver,"Yeah, you need to modprobe ________ to get it to recognize the ________"
fpm,"Oh, we're devops! We have ______ in the office, but only the DBA can touch it."
catastrophic cancellation,We're spending 20% of this sprint doing ________.
termcap,_________ found a new OpenSSL vulernability people are calling _______.
f00d,Management has changed all our job titles to _________.
one giant SPOF,while true; do ____; done
Richard Stallman's Neckbeard,The consultant we hired is certain that _____________ will drastically increase the performance of ___________
phpMyAdmin,Could you just push this update for _________?  It should be a no-op.
Righteous Anger,"If we're all going to get fired, let's get fired for __________."
Crowdsourced Architecture,"We can't pay you, but we can offer _____ in compensation."
/etc/hosts,A soiled napkin with the contents of ______ scribbled on it
CEOs with root access,Who thought that _______ was a good idea?
Automagic Metaprogramming,It's not the recommended configuration to use __________ with ____________ but it's in production right now.
Re-implementing TCP over UDP,We wrote our own build tool based on _____
Rewriting bash scripts as CMD batch jobs,I've received a Microsoft MVP Award for _____
#define BEGIN  {,We rewrote _____________ in _____________
Microsoft Access over a WAN,The ticket to install _____?  I deletegated it.
git submodules,
Haskell,Artisanally crafted ___.
Functional Reactive,"The backups are fine, but the restore process is ____________"
Paxos,
memegen,The ___ that ops provides developers.
Flynn,
eventual persistence,Move ___ and break things.
Jenkins,_______: ci or not ci?
Bingo Balls,I opened the server cabinet and it was full of _____.
Mechanically Recovered Turkey,Crossing _____ could lead to total protonic reversal.
ChatOps,
Scala,
WONTFIX,I______your stupid issue!
Asana,Nine circles of ___ hell.
Big ball of mud,
Friday afternoon deployment,I asked the contractor for _____ and they delivered _____.
YoloDB,
Piping random scripts from the internet into bash,
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻,
post-mortems,
Github selfies,
Production deployments that depend on GitHub,
RFC 2324,
Your code featured on The Daily WTF.,
optimistic transactions,
Webscale,"I'd like _____, _____, and a pony."
Cats,
Ponies,Only the Enterprise Edition(tm) has _____.
Your Mum,
Using Brain Fuck in production,
Picking the best color to paint your bike shed,
Server cages,The trouble with kids these days is ____________
Copy-on-write,
deduplication,
LART,
BOFH,
Program Management,
Product Managers,
The Ballmer Peak,_____ for the win!
0xDEADBEEF,______ is the new __________
A coked-up tech recruiter,
A contractor that tells you it was a real learning experience,
RTFM,
A 1996 Java applet,"With _____, you write once, run nowhere."
A virtual machine running a virtual machine until it brings on the Singularity,_____ discontinued support for the Linux version.
Ops doing dev = technical debt,"A manager told me I couldn't remove our dependency on _____, but I got around it with _____."
"#And right here, we'd like a miracle.",_____ implements every single standard for _____.  Poorly.
Sparkly Devops Princess,
Patrick Debois,
git merge --force,
A series of tubes,Just think of the Internet as _____.
:(){:|:&};:,
A literal cluster fuck,Would you like _____ with that?
The library that imports all other libraries,_____? We've got that.
The tech lead's shitty pet project,It took over 40 hours to document _____. 
An entirely commented out file,
A constructor for RandomThing,npm install ________.
Circular imports,Circular imports import _____. 
A pull request with a winking smiley ;),
Syntactic sugar coma,
Former employees who still have admin access to live production servers,
The ib_logfiles,_____ is why the jDBA thought it might be time to go to #mysql on freenode
The mysql client,_____ is the only reason the jDBA survived typing rm -rf /
Paul Graham,
The much neglected IPv5,
cron jobs that edit cron jobs,
snail scale,
Testing positive for mongonucleosis,End-to-end _____.
PEBKAC,
ReiserFS,
/dev/null,It's like _____ on _____.
little Bobby Tables,________ will help you remember to sanitze your database inputs.
solar flares,
global warming,
Short Stroking,
Reticulating Splines,
RAID 3 SSD cluster,
Re-implementing TCP over TCP,
Mixed endianness,abcdef
OAuth,
traceroute,
rockstar,
packet loss,
smokeping,
losing the root password,
Works on my machine!,
malloc,
buffer overflow,
StackOverflow is offline?!,
server logs,
Penetration test,
Deploying on a Friday afternoon,
Quipu,
too many authorization failures,
two single quotes,_____ took EBS down again today.
kremvax,
the unix epoch,
0 day exploits,
tribal knowledge,
puppet,
RHEL4,I ssh'd into a server running _____ and promptly noped the fuck out of there.
DevOps Reactions,
syntax error,
killall -9,"_____, the final solution."
pre caffeine typos,
banana pi,
RAID 0,We're running _____ in production?!
PIP,_____ has root access.
PyPy,We don't have enough package managers said _____
Synergy,_____ is more reliable than ______
dev,
java,_____ ate all my memory
geometric distances,
Indian Ocean,
,We accidently the whole _____..
rm -rf /,It's easy! Just run _____
hunter2,I assure you _____ is secure!
GCHQ,
NSA FOIA request,Our backup policy is _____
wat,
kanban,
Halt and Catch Fire,
Pingdom feature announcements,UNRESOLVED DEPENDENCY: _____ not found.
IAM permission errors,INFO cluster.TaskSetManager: Lost TID 22964 (task 2.0:0) due to _____.
The last reduce task,____ has entered the ALARM state.
Single points of failure,____ hit our email limit on the automated@ account.
Haversine distance,____ accidentally killed the cron server.
IvyDE,___ because the test had one extra conversion.
A voracious Internet worm,I spent all morning tracking down the Debian package for _____.
Cargo-cult programming,I once wrote a script to automate _____.
A Jenkins plugin that randomly deletes LDAP entries in the sales org,In my heart of hearts I'm certain we'd have suffered minimal downtime if only I had _____.
An eternal golden braid,Hey--have you seen my mousepad with the picture of _____?
A Turing-complete analog alarm clock,W00t! I just reached my Kickstarter funding goal for making _____.
A quasi-sentient meme-generator,I'm going on an hunger strike until someone programs an Arduino that integrates with _____.
The Blob Pattern,I'm still searching for a co-founder for my startup that will revolutionize _____.
Pure-functional alcoholism,The history of computing is littered with _____.
"The shitty `cards-DevOpsAgainstHumanity.csv` format that mashes two distinct content sets into an incomprehensible comma-separated jumble",Brogrammers get a bad rap, but they're not nearly as bad as _____.
Eating your own dog food,_____ is definitely NSFW!
Greenspun's tenth rule",I can never remember the hashtag for _____.
"Your Steve Jobs action figure, still in its original packaging",I recall throwing up a little bit in my mouth the first time I encountered _____.
"Rule 34 (If it exists, there is porn of it. No Exceptions.)","I've seen the future, and it is _____."
That O'Reilly book with a rabid dog on the cover,"As soon as I track down Linus Torvalds' address, I'm sending him _____."
The callow smirk of emergent intelligence,Apparently someone on reddit is aroused by _____.
The latest breakthrough in teledildonics,I think that kid from QA could make a passable DevOps engineer--but only if he remembers _____.
1.21 Jigger-watts of single malt scotch,The DevOps Exclusion Principle states: no two _____ may occupy the same place at the same time.
A fat guy who knows C++,I still have fond memories of that server I named after _____.
Way more microLenats than state of the art instruments could measure,If you want to be internet-famous all you need is: _____.
A flattering headshot for my long-neglected OKCupid profile,"If you eat my last doughnut, I will expect repayment in the form of _____."
A clapper-controlled system restart script,Would you believe there's a 75-page README for _____?
A rogue SAT solver,"If you want my opinion, 'outage' is far too strong a word when the root cause was _____."
A perl script that resembles a core dump,"Give me 20 minutes, and I'll whip up _____."
A meta-circular phishing scam,"Who would build a company around _____, when anyone could re-implement that in a weekend?!?!"
The red pill,"I actually found myself agreeing with the post, '_____ considered harmful'."
A link-checker with a crippling porn addiction,_____ is the perfect gift for that hard-to-shop-for DevOps Engineer this holiday season.
"A bobblehead of Schrödinger's (half-dead) cat","As soon as we go public, the first thing I'm buying is _____."
"An ad hoc, informally-groomed, bug-ridden, slow infestation of half a neckbeard",How in the world does Management expect us to get any work done without _____?
"Richard M. Stallman's autograph, signed in blood--mine",The best piece of conference swag I ever got is clearly _____.
A Dvorak keyboard custom built for my polydactyly,"I wasn't planning to jump ship--until they offered me _____ as a signing bonus."
"A formal proof that any sufficiently-complex iPhone App will be in violation of at least one App Store rule",Dear lord! Why do you insist on defiling your desk with _____?
"The probability that an army of monkeys with Google Glass would film 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas', while submitting to random drug tests as a guard against cheating","I reject out of hand any vendor, whose SLA doesn't mention _____."
An ascii-art version of the Hallucinogenic Toreador,"Why should I care about _____, when _____ will be released at 9am tomorrow?"
A former script kiddie now under the Federal Witness Protection Program,Have you heard about the bill moving through Congress that would ban _____ on the Internet?
Apple's long-rumored HumancentiPad,_____ gives a whole new meaning to Penetration Testing.
Ruby Hipsters,I spent the better part of the day setting up metrics to track _____.