This is a quickstart guide to a practical way of trying to live better. It’s based on things I’ve learned from various sources and personal experiences.
Too often in life I've felt like I was losing track of important things or not living up to my potential. I noticed this happening more during and after the disruptions of the pandemic. So, I read many books, articles, blogs, and so on, about productivity, self-help, and living well, and I tried out a variety of habits and systems. It's a difficult topic for finding practical, good quality information, because there's a lot of noise and not much signal. Many of the sources are trying to get famous or sell something. Much of the content that's easiest to sell includes bad ideas: comforting excuses or the self-help equivalent of junk food. This is my attempt to distill down a small number of the best ideas into a simple system that you can quickly begin to use and adapt to your purposes. I have nothing to sell, no product referrals, and no algorithm to optimize by taking up more of your time.
The strategy involves four correlated processes that you can start anytime and adapt to your life and intentions.
- Reflect on values.
- Set goals related to values.
- Track habits that progress toward goals.
- Periodically adjust (not too often).
One of the most common mistakes is to use a system for doing something when no system is necessary. This is a counter-intuitive point: you might not need to track habits related to your highest priorities. If you aren't struggling with neglecting those, then you may benefit more by tracking habits related to lower priorities and things you forget or would not do if you didn't track them.
As you make choices in your version of this sytem, ask yourself "what difference will this make compared to what I would do otherwise?"
Let's now look at a simple example so we have a picture in mind of how it works, and then we'll go into more detail about the process.
Health, learning, connection
- Be the kind of person who exercises and writes (almost) every day.
- Be the kind of person who learns new languages.
- Be the kind of person who stays in touch with friends and family members and has an active social life.
This uses one page each month, one line for each habit, one column for each day, and some mark to indicate success for that habit on that day.
| August | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | ... | 30 | 31 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Journal | x | x | x | x | x | x | ... | x | x | |
| Movement | x | x | x | x | ... | x | ||||
| Language | x | x | x | ... | x | |||||
| Social calls | x | x | ... |
Throughout this guide there are expandable sections with additional explanations or examples. These extra credit sections look like the two lines below and you can expand them by clicking on them, but I suggest reading through without expanding any of them at first. You can come back afterward to dive deeper in any section as you wish, perhaps when doing a periodic adjustment after the first week or month of tracking.
On most days we’ll just be practicing our habits, so why do we need these other levels of goals and values?
Habit formation can be hard. The other levels help us decide what to do, remember why we’re doing it, and deal with the inevitable complications and possible failures that occur along the way. One guaranteed complication is that values can conflict with each other, and we may raise or lower the priority of different values at different times in our lives.
You can set up these processes in any order.
I’ll write about them in the order above, but for example if your starting point is one or more habits that you want to track then you could decide on goals that those habits move you toward and consider which values made you want to start those habits in the first place. Since one of the processes is to readjust you can always come back and change any of these later in whatever order makes sense to you.
The most important thing is to start. The second most important thing is to just keep doing it.
Things are always changing but we often don’t notice slow changes. This means bad things can sneak up on us through the years of life and generations of human history. We accept many of these as normal because we didn’t notice how bad they’ve gotten. On the plus side, we can also make things better with gradual change if we pay attention and track it. Not noticing slow changes makes us underrate how much freedom we have in life.
This is one of the most important lessons I’ve learned so the rest of this section elaborates on it, but please skip to the next section unless you want to read a manifesto.
Some examples and implications
- Suppose that each week someone spends 1 or 2 more minutes more (on a per day average) looking at a screen than the previous week. This is too little to notice, but within a year their screen time could be up by an hour+, and in a few years they could be spending every free minute of the day using their eyes and brains in this unnatural way while barely existing in the rest of their bodies.
- Imagine each month (or year) someone uses an app 1 more time than the previous month (or year) to navigate somewhere that they could have gotten to without the app, or has 1 less meaningful conversation with a family member or friend, goes for a wandering walk 1 less time, reads 1 less book, etc. In a few years they will have a very different lifestyle and maybe become a different sort of person, probably without ever noticing it.
- Most of us lose muscle beginning at a rate of about 1% per year in our 30s and increasing to a faster rate over time. This is too gradual for us to notice feeling any weaker from one year to the next, or to sense that our bones are becoming more fragile. Many of us will learn just how different we’ve become when a fall suddenly changes everything and makes our “golden years” much worse off.
- Humans have accumulated tools and technologies for thousands of years that allow us to live with less physical effort. We can get food, shelter, and entertainment with less and less work, movement, or discomfort in the process. We are unaware of how unnatural this may be for our bodies because we have never experienced, or don’t remember, another way of living.
- Self-awareness and insight are skills that we can learn and practice. Without practicing them, it’s possible we lose track over time and become less accurate in our beliefs about ourselves. We could think that we have certain values and are living our lives in a certain way, but if our lives have changed gradually or our self-awareness has faded we may actually be living very differently than we think. In a car, an indicator will light up if the wheels need to be realigned, but there is nothing like that built-in to life.
- The benefits of a positive habit may accumulate too slowly to notice at first, so it can be difficult to start new good habits. To stay motivated we may need to use strategies like focusing on the process rather than the outcome, or setting intermediate goals and waypoints.
Background philosophy and worldview.
Each generation only experiences its own unique historical conditions. We can’t directly compare our lives to living a hundred or thousand years earlier. We can’t even clearly remember what our daily experience felt like a few years ago. Since we don’t see what is different about our living conditions, we easily slip into taking them for granted. At any given time if we consider the conditions of humanity in general, or our own lives, many of those conditions will be results of gradual change that we did not notice. Much of what we believe to be natural, inevitable, and unchangeable is really arbitrary, accidental, and flexible. Life is much more flexible and conditions we currently see as natural or inevitable will almost certainly change beyond recognition. There may be a huge amount of benefit within our reach or dangers approaching undetected.
This idea of perceptual blindness to gradual change is simple and obvious, but its implications are so profound that I believe most of us don’t consider it often enough. Like the inevitability of death, bringing it to the forefront of our minds can make us feel anxious. Any comfort from avoiding that anxiety comes at the cost of living with problems that creep up on us and missing out on potential benefits. Instead of avoidance, we can accept that some things are out of our control (like death), take an honest look at our lives, and commit to actions that pursue the values that are important to us.
The nature of our subjective experiences means we can slip into being poor judges of how things are going in our lives without high quality external feedback. We may be able live much better by developing habits like periodically checking on things for gradual decline or practicing things that create gradual improvement.
What’s important to you? Try to answer this question at a high level of generality and abstraction and the answers you come up with will be values. For example, exercising and healthy eating are important habits for me but the related value is health. I’m interested in this system of habit tracking and living better because of values like progress or self-improvement. There are no rules written in stone about what things can be values, and everyone will answer differently about their values at different times in life or in different circumstances. More examples of values: freedom, creativity, responsibility, love, achievement, equality, fairness, hedonism, kindness.
More lists and examples of values for inspiration.
Don’t spend too long on this step because there are deep philosophical waters here and we want to be practical and move on to actions.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_Basic_Human_Values
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rokeach_Value_Survey
https://positivepsychology.com/values-clarification/#examples-values-clarification
I thought of a few categories of values for myself. In truth, I also already have in mind some habits that I want to track and picked some of these values because they explain why I’m interested in those habits.
- Professional: growth, competency, productivity/contribution.
- Aesthetic: appreciating beauty, creativity, freedom.
- Health: physical fitness, mental sharpness, cleanliness, organization.
- Social: connection, empathy, sharing happiness with others.
Write down a few values that you currently want to move your life toward and that help explain the motivations behind your goals and habits.
Goals can help us move from abstract values and decide to do something actionable. They can also help us put a daily habit into a larger context. What would you need to change to become more like the kind of person you want to be? Try to set goals with a level of difficulty that you can realistically achieve. It's OK to start small and make them more challenging during adjustment.
Additional tips and examples about goal setting.
This article has a lot of evidence-based tips on goal setting and is worth reading (and re-reading). Here are a few of its tips:
- Imagine everything goes great, you do your best, your life resonates with your values and becomes how you want it to be. What does that life look like, how does that version of you look and act? Now mentally contrast that picture with your current life and current self and think about what you could do to get from here to there.
- Frame goals positively, about being or doing more of something rather than less of the opposite. For example “more movement” rather than “less sitting,” or “more meaningful conversations” rather than “less screen time.”
- Focus on processes rather than outcomes. I used to want to squat 4 plates, but circumstances never let me focus on training uninterrupted long enough to get there. Instead of being discouraged about failing an outcome goal like that, my process goal now is to do strength exercises twice a week.
- Judge success based on mastery in general rather than the ability to perform something specific. I’m not too worried that I’ve never squatted 4 plates because I still know that I am generally strong, and right now that’s good enough for my current values.
- Goldilocks difficulty: if it’s too easy it might not actually get you closer to living your values, and if it’s too hard you may feel discouraged and lose motivation.
Example: based on valuing creativity and appreciation of beauty, I want to get better at drawing or painting. It’s a positive goal, something I want to do more. It’s about process and mastery rather than outcomes or performing too specific a skill. Since I currently have almost no experience with these, getting better at them will be an easy goal in the short term and I will need to adjust the difficulty later. As a mental contrast, an ideal future version of me would be able to get into a creative flow state and make interesting visual art, and to get there I will need a lot of practice so that my current lack of technical skills doesn’t trip me up.
Remember: none of these are hard rules. The most important thing is to just start, and then keep it up. You can always come back and use these tips to refine your goals later when adjusting.
Choose some identity-based goals about becoming the kind of person you want to be, the kind of person who lives according to your values.
Good habits are behaviors that, if repeated, help us reach our goals and live according to our values. Some goals are simple and specific enough that they are habits themselves, e.g. doing strength exercises twice a week. Other goals need a bit more translation into repeated actions, e.g. learning Chinese could mean practicing listening, reading, and speaking on different days of the week.
Habit time periods and examples.
- Some habits work best if done essentially every day, like brushing teeth or journaling.
- Some work better every two or three days, like strength exercises alternating with rest days.
- Some work well if done almost daily but are forgiving if we miss a day or two per week, like cardio exercise.
- Some make sense once per week or month, like staying in touch with friends and family members, or certain cleaning chores.
The most important thing about habits is sticking to them. The second most important thing is to get back on track as soon as possible when the first one fails. For both of these, tracking habits with a system that keeps us honest is essential.
Rationale for using a simple pen and paper system.
I’ve tried to start various exercise habits over the years and they never stuck, with one exception. The one time I tracked the habit it stuck, and I’ve kept it up for about ten years now. We want to track multiple habits with a system as simple and easy to use as possible. Some people use apps or spreadsheets for this, but I highly recommend keeping it old fashioned with pen and paper. One reason is that many values and habits can be threatened by using internet connected devices which are full of distractions. Another reason is that using such ancient technology makes it feel special, it’s a ritual with a different context from all the other entertainment consumption or work messages on screens.
I’m using pages of the habit tracker template by James Clear. It looks something like the table in the intro section. This gives an immediate visual sense of how much each habit is on track, and whether any of them need more attention and effort.
Choose a few habits to make progress toward your goals and create a template for tracking, preferably using pen and paper.
On the one hand there are benefits to consistency, especially when forming habits. But on the other hand, there is a tendency to stagnate if we don't increase the level of challenge, or a danger of too much failure and discouragement if a certain goal or habit turns out to be more challenging than we planned. Periodic adjustment can help us find the right balance and stay on track.
Some common adjustment issues.
- Time availability and energy levels will vary and some habits become easier or harder as a result.
- There will be circumstances outside of our control and we may need to compromise on some values to prioritize others.
- We will learn and change as a person and decide to change our values or goals.
- There can be a temptation to "go through the motions," doing habits with minimal effort, gaming the system, losing sight of the higher levels of goals and values and focusing on checking off boxes.
- Adjustments should be less frequent as we go up in the hierarchy of habits, goals, and values. Adjustments to values should be least frequent and will probably require adjusting everything else.
- When first starting a habit we may need to adjust it more often due to inaccurate starting guesses or rapid beginner's progress.
Make adjustments, perhaps once per month. Reflect on how you have changed and how you want to continue. Modify frequency or details of habits or how you track them. Increase challenge when possible, decrease if truly necessary. Keep yourself honest and remember the context of your values.
These are a few habits I've personally found very beneficial. I'd be happy to hear from you if you have suggestions!
- "Nutritious movement" throughout the day, and a variety of cardio and strength throughout the week.
- Regularly scheduled reminders to catch up with people (social connection).
- Going for an aimless walk, preferably in nature.
- Journaling.
- Start small, maybe with 2-4 habits based on 1-3 goals and 1-2 values.
- Focus more on habits at first and don't overthink goals or values. The hierarchy becomes more helpful later when making adjustments.
- Keep it simple, like with this template. It should only take a few seconds to check boxes each day.
- Start now, don't wait for better starting conditions.
- Come back here in a week or two and read some of the expandable sections when doing your first periodic adjustment. Decrease frequency of adjustments after that.
- Try to change your sense of self and develop an identity around your values and goals, and be socially open about this. I would personally be happy to hear from anyone who is trying to live better this way and finds it beneficial.
My relevant background involves trying to manage work-life balance in an academic career, a decade of maintaining rigorous exercise habits, and some more recent successes with journaling and a few other habits. I've combined and simplified ideas from several sources that I consider high quality and evidence-based:
- Goal hierarchy and other tips from Stronger By Science (generally good for exercise and diet information)
- Making the goal hierarchy about values and actions based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (h/t also to Diana Hill and Katie Bowman, generally good on mental and physical health)
- Habit tracking and other tips from James Clear
Appendix: a more complex example
It's best to keep it simple, but here are some more ideas you might use. I've indicated whether the habit target is daily (D), weekly (W), or some number of times per week. Longer time periods like monthly habits might make more sense to schedule for a certain day on a calendar instead. I used different marks for some habits, where / indicates a normal cardio workout and x indicates an intense one (HIIT). The habits can be arranged vertically by frequency, grouped together based on similar goals or values, color coded, etc. But do remember to keep it simple so it's very fast and easy to update each day and you don't need to remember a lot of details while using it.
| August | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | ... | 30 | 31 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| (D) Journal | x | x | x | x | x | x | ... | x | x | |
| (5) Cardio | x | x | x | x | ... | x | ||||
| (2) Strength | x | x | ... | x | ||||||
| (W) Meal prep | x | ... | ||||||||
| (W) Chores | x | ... | x | |||||||
| (4) Work writing | x | x | x | x | ... | |||||
| (3) Language | x | x | ... | x | ||||||
| (W) Blog | x | ... | ||||||||
| (2) Social calls | x | x | ... |