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cleaned-script.txt
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This is the Asgardian refugee vessel Statesman. We are under assault, I repeat, we are under assault - The engines are dead, life support failing. Requesting aid from any vessel within range. We are 22 jump points out of Asgard. Our crew is made up of Asgardian families, we have very few soldiers here. This is not a warcraft. I repeat, this is not a warcraft!
Hear me, and rejoice. You have had the privilege of being saved by the Great Titan... You may think this is suffering... No. it is salvation. Universal scales tip toward balance because of your sacrifice. Smile... For even in death, you have become Children of Thanos.
I know what it's like to lose. To feel so desperately that you're right... yet to fail, nonetheless. It's frightening. Turns the legs to jelly. I ask you, to what end? Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same. And now, it's here. Or should I say... I AM.
You talk too much.
The Tesseract, or your brother's head. I assume you have a preference.
Oh, I do. Kill away!
ALL RIGHT, STOP!
We don't have the Tesseract. It was destroyed on Asgard.
You really are the worst brother.
I assure you, brother... the sun will shine on us again.
Your optimism is misplaced, Asgardian.
Well, for one thing, I'm not Asgardian. And for another... We have a Hulk.
Let him have his fun.
Allfathers… let the dark magic flow through me one last... time.
That was a mistake.
NO!!! You're going to die for that!
Shhh.
My humble personage… bows before your grandeur. No other being has ever had the might, nay the nobility, to wield not one, but two Infinity Stones. The universe lies within your grasp.
There are two more Stones on Earth. Find them, my children, and bring them to me on Titan.
Father, we will not fail you.
If I might interject… If you're going to Earth, you might want a guide. I do have a bit of experience in that arena.
If you consider failure experience.
I consider experience, experience. Almighty Thanos, I... Loki... Prince of Asgard... Odinson... The rightful King of Jotunheim... God of Mischief... do hereby pledge to you, my undying fidelity.
"Undying." You should choose your words more carefully.
You will... never be... a god.
No resurrections this time.
No… Loki…
Seriously? You don't have any money?
Attachment to the material is detachment from the spiritual.
I'll tell the guys at the deli. Maybe they'll make you a metaphysical ham on rye.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, I think I have 200.
Dollars?
Rupees.
Which is?
Uh, buck and a half.
What do you want?
I wouldn't say no to a tuna melt.
Thanos is coming. He's coming...
Who?
Slow down, slow down. I'm totally not kidding.
You're totally rambling.
No, I'm not.
Lost me.
Look, you know how you're having a dream, and in the dream you gotta pee?
Yeah.
Okay, and then you're like, "Oh my god, there's no bathroom, what am I gonna do?" "Oh! Someone's watching." "I'm gonna go in my pants."
Right. And then you wake up, and in real life you actually have to pee.
Yes.
Yeah. Everybody has that.
Right! That's the point I'm trying to make. Apropos of that, last night, I dreamt, we had a kid. So real. We named him after your eccentric uncle. Uh, what was his name?
Right.
Morgan! Morgan.
So you woke up, and thought that we were...
Expecting.
Yeah.
Yes?
No.
I had a dream about it. It was so real.
If you wanted to have a kid, you wouldn't have done that.
I'm glad you brought this up, 'cause it's nothing. It's just a housing unit for nano particles.
It's not helping your case, OK?
No, no, it's an attachment, it's not a-
You don't need that.
I know. I had the surgery. I'm just trying to protect us. The future usses, and that's it. Just in case there's a monster in the closet, instead of, you know...
Shirts?
You know me so well. You finish all my sentences.
You should have shirts in your closet.
Yeah. You know what there should be? No more surprises. We're gonna have a nice dinner tonight. Show off this Harry Win-stone. Right? And we should have no more surprises. Ever. I should promise you.
Yes.
I will.
Tony Stark, I'm Doctor Stephen Strange. I need you to come with me. Oh, uh, congratulations on the wedding, by the way.
I'm sorry, you giving out tickets or something?
We need your help. Look, it's not overselling to say that the fate of the universe is at stake.
And who's "we"?
Hey, Tony.
Bruce.
Pepper.
Hi.
You okay?
From the dawn of the universe, there was nothing. Then, boom! The Big Bang sent six elemental crystals, hurtling across the virgin universe. These Infinity Stones each control an essential aspect of existence.
Space. Reality. Power. Soul. Mind. And Time.
Tell me his name again.
Thanos. He's a plague, Tony. He invades planets. He takes what he wants. He wipes out half the population. He sent Loki. The attack on New York. That's him.
This is it... What's our timeline?
No telling. He has the Power and Space Stones, that already makes him the strongest creature in the whole universe. If he gets his hands, on all six Stones, Tony...
He can destroy life on a scale hitherto undreamt of.
Did you seriously just say "hitherto undreamt of"?
Are you seriously leaning on the Cauldron of the Cosmos?
Is that what this is...?
I'm going to allow that. If Thanos needs all six, why don't we just stick this one down the garbage disposal?
No can do.
We swore an oath to protect the Time Stone. With our lives.
And I swore off dairy, but then, Ben & Jerry's named a flavor after me, so...
Stark Raving Hazelnuts.
It's not bad.
A bit chalky.
"A Hunka-Hulka Burning Fudge" is our favorite.
That's a thing?
things change.
Our oath to protect the Time Stone cannot change. This Stone may be the best chance we have against Thanos.
And still conversely, it may also be his best chance against us.
Well, if we don't do our jobs.
What is your job exactly, besides making balloon animals?
Protecting your reality, douchebag.
Okay, guys, could we table this discussion right now? The fact is that we have this Stone. We know where it is. Vision is out there somewhere with the Mind Stone, and we have to find him now.
Yeah, that's the... thing.
What do you mean?
Two weeks ago, Vision turned off his transponder. He's offline.
What? Tony, you lost another super bot?
I didn't lose him. He's more than that. He's evolving.
Who could find Vision, then?
Shit. Probably Steve Rogers.
Oh, great.
Maybe. But...
Call him.
It's not that easy. God, we haven't caught up in a spell, have we?
No.
The Avengers broke up. We're toast.
Broke up? Like a band? Like The Beatles?
Cap and I fell out hard. We're not on speaking terms.
Tony, listen to me. Thor's gone. Thanos is coming. It doesn't matter who you're talking to or not.
Say, Doc, you wouldn't happen to be moving your hair, would you?
Not at the moment, no.
You okay?
Help him! Wong, Doc.
Go! Got it!
F.R.I.D.A.Y., what am I looking at?
Not sure, I'm working on it.
Hey! You might wanna put that Time Stone in your back pocket, Doc!
Might wanna use it.
Ned, hey. I need you to cause a distraction.
Holy shit! We're all gonna die! There's a spaceship!
What's the matter with you kids? You've never seen a spaceship before?
F.R.I.D.A.Y., evac anyone south of 43rd Street, notify first responders.
Will do.
Hear me, and rejoice. You are about to die at the hands of the Children of Thanos. Be thankful, that your meaningless lives are now contributing to...
I'm sorry, Earth is closed today. You better pack it up and get outta here.
Stonekeeper... Does this chattering animal speak for you?
Certainly not. I speak for myself. But you’re trespassing in this city and on this planet.
It means get lost, Squidward!
He exhausts me.
Bring me the Stone.
Banner, you want a piece?
No, not really, but when do I ever get what I want?
That's right.
Been a while. Good to have you, buddy.
I just... I need to concentrate here for one second. Come on, come on, man.
Where's your guy?
I don't know. We've sort been havin' a thing.
There's no time for a thing.
I know.
That's the thing right there. Let's go.
Dude, you're embarrassing me in front of the wizards.
Tony, I'm sorry. Either I can't or he won't-
It's okay. Hey, stand down. Keep an eye on him. Thank you.
I have him.
Damn it.
Where'd that come from?
It's nano-tech. You like it? A little somet-
Dr. Banner, if the rest of your green friend won't be joining us...
Gotta get that stone outta here, now.
It stays with me.
Exactly. Bye.
Tony, you okay? How we doing? Good? bad?
Really, really good. Really good. Do you plan on helping out?
I'm trying. He won't come out.
Hammer.
Come on, Hulk. What are you doing to me? Come out! Come out! Come out!
Nooooooo!
What do you mean, "no"?!
Hey, man. What's up, Mr. Stark?
Kid, where'd you come from?
Field trip to MoMA.
What is this guy's problem, Mr. Stark?
He's from space. He came here to steal a necklace from a wizard.
Your powers are quaint. You must be popular with children.
It's a simple spell but quite unbreakable.
Then I'll take it off your corpse.
You'll find... removing a dead man's spell... troublesome.
You'll only wish you were dead. NO!
Kid, that's the wizard. Get on it.
On it!
Not cool!
Uhh, Mr. Stark? I'm being beamed up!
Hang on, kid.
Wong, you're invited to my wedding. Give me a little juice, F.R.I.D.A.Y.
Unlock 17-A. Pete, you gotta let go. I'm gonna catch you.
But you said save the wizard! I can't breathe!
You're too high up. You're running out of air.
Yeah! That makes sense.
Mr. Stark, it smells like a new car in here!
Happy trails, kid. F.R.I.D.A.Y, send him home.
Yep.
OH, COME ON!
Boss, incoming call from Miss Potts.
Tony? Oh, my God. Are you all right? What's going on?
30 res.
Why?
Just 'cause I'll... probably not make it back for a while.
Tell me you're not on that ship.
Yeah.
God, no. Please tell me you're not on that ship.
Honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know what to say.
Come back here, Tony. I swear to God…
Pep…
Come back here right now! Come back!
Boss, we're losing her. I'm going, too…
Oh my God! I should have stayed on the bus...
Where you going?
The Time Stone's been taken. The Sanctum remains unguarded. What will you do?
I'm gonna make a call.
Sing it, Drax!
Why are we doing this again?
It's a distress signal, Rocket. Someone could be dying.
I get that, but why are we doing it?
'Cause we're nice. And maybe whoever it is will give us a little cheddar cheese for our help.
Which isn't the point.
Which isn't the point... I mean… If he doesn't pony up…
We'll take his ship.
Exactly!
B-b-b-bingo!
We are arriving.
All right, Guardians. Don't forget, this might be dangerous, so let's put on our mean faces. Groot, put that thing away. Now. I don't wanna tell you again. Groot.
I am Groot!
Whoa!
Language!
Hey!
Wow.
You got some acorns on you, kid.
Ever since you got a little sap, you're a total d-hole. Keep it up, and I'm gonna smash that thing to pieces!
What happened?
Looks like we're not getting paid.
Wipers! Wipers! Get it off!
How the hell is this dude still alive?
He is not a dude. You're a dude. This... This is a man. A handsome, muscular man.
I'm muscular.
Who are you kidding, Quill? You're one sandwich away from fat.
Yeah, right.
It's true. You have gained a little weight…
What? Gamora, do you think I'm…
He is anxious. Angry. He feels tremendous loss and guilt.
It's like a pirate had a baby with an angel.
Wow. This is a real wake-up call for me. Okay. I'm gonna get a Bowflex. I'm gonna commit. I'm gonna get some dumbbells.
You know you can't eat dumbbells, right?
It's like his muscles are made of Cotati metal fibers.
Stop massaging his muscles. Wake him up.
Wake.
Who the hell are you guys?
To bring balance to the Universe by wiping out half of all life. He used to kill people planet by planet, massacre by massacre...
Including my own.
If he gets all six Infinity Stones, he can do it with the snap of his fingers, like this.
You seem to know a great deal about Thanos.
Gamora... is the daughter of Thanos.
Your father killed my brother.
Oh, boy. Stepfather. Technically, she hates him as much as you do.
Families can be tough. Before my father died, he told me I had a half-sister...that he imprisoned in Hel. Then she returned home, and stabbed me in the eye, so... I had to kill her. It's life, isn't it, I guess. Goes round and round and... I feel your pain.
And I feel your pain, as well. I mean it's not a competition, but I've been through a lot. My father killed my mother, then I had to kill my father. And that was hard. Probably even harder than having to kill a sister. Plus, I, came out of it with both of my eyes-"
I need a hammer, not a spoon… How do I open this thing? Is there some sort of a four-digit code maybe… Maybe a birth date or something…
What are you doing?
Taking your pod.
No, you're not! You'll not, be taking our pod today, sir.
Quill. Are you making your voice deeper?
No.
You are. You're imitating the god-man. It's weird.
No I'm not.
He just did it again!
This is my voice!
Are you mocking me?
Are you mocking me?
Stop it. You did it again.
He's trying to copy me.
Would you stop doing that? He's doing it first.
Enough! We need to stop Thanos. Which means we need to find out where he's going next.
Knowhere.
He must be going somewhere.
No. Knowhere? It's a place. We've been there. It sucks. Excuse me, that's our food.
Not anymore.
Thor… Why would he go to Knowhere?
Because for years, the Reality Stone has been safely stored, there with a man we call the Collector.
If it's with the Collector, then it's not safe. Only an idiot would give that man a stone.
Or a genius.
How do you know he's not going for one of the other Stones?
There's six stones out there. Thanos already has the Power Stone because he stole it last week, when he decimated Xandar. He stole the Space Stone from me when he destroyed my ship and slaughtered half my people. The Time and Mind Stones are safe on Earth. They're with the Avengers.
The Avengers?
They're Earth's Mightiest Heroes.
Like Kevin Bacon?
He may be on the team. I don't know. Haven't been there in a while. As for the Soul Stone, well, no one's ever seen that. No one even knows where it is. Therefore, Thanos can't get it. Therefore, he's going to Knowhere. Hence, he'll be getting the Reality Stone. You're welcome.
Then we have to go to Knowhere now.
Wrong! Where we have to go, is Nivadellir.
That's a made up word.
All words are made up.
Hold up, Nidavellir is real? Seriously? I mean, that place is a legend. They make the most powerful, horrific weapons to ever torment the Universe. I would very much like to go there, please.
The rabbit is correct, and clearly the smartest among you.
Rabbit?
Only Eitri the dwarf king can make me the weapon I need. I assume you're the captain, sir?
You're very perceptive.
You seem like a noble leader. Will you join me on my quest to Nidavellir?
Lemme just ask the captain. Oh, wait a second, it's me! Yeah, I'll go.
Wonderful.
Except for that I'm the captain.
Quiet!
That's my backpack.
Go sit down.
Look, this is my ship. And I'm not goin' to… Wait, what kind of weapon are we talking about here?
The Thanos killing kind.
Don't you think that we should all have a weapon like that?
No. You simply lack the strength to wield them. Your bodies will crumble as your minds collapse into the madness.
Is it weird that I wanna do it even more now?
A little bit. Yeah.
If we don't go to Knowhere and Thanos retrieves another stone, he'll be too powerful to stop.
He already is.
I got it figured out. We got two ships, and a large assortment of morons. So me and Groot will go with the pirate-angel here, and the morons will go to Knowhere to try and stop Thanos. Cool? Cool.
So cool.
For the record… I know that you're only going with him because it's where Thanos isn't.
You know, Quill, you shouldn't talk that way to your captain, Quill. Come on, Groot. Put that game down, you'll rot your brain.
I bid you farewell and good luck, morons. Bye.
Vis? Is it the stone again?
It's as if it's speaking to me.
What does it say?
I don't... I don't know. But something...
Tell me what you feel.
I just feel you.
So there's a 10 AM to Glasgow to give us more time together before you went back.
What if I miss that train?
There is an 11.
What if I missed all the trains? What if this time, I didn't go back?
You gave Stark your word.
I'd rather give it to you.
There are people who are expecting me too, you know. We both made promises.
Not to each other. Wanda… For two years, we've stolen these moments, trying to see if this could work. And... I don't know. You know what, I'm just gonna speak for myself. - I, I... I think...
It works.
It works.
Then stay. Stay with me.
Or not. If I'm overstepping…
What are they?
What the stone was warning me about. I have to go.
No, Vision. Vision, if that's true… Then maybe going isn't the best idea.
Wanda, I…
Vision!
The blade. It stopped me from phasing.
Is that even possible?
It isn't supposed to be. My systems are failing. I'm beginning to think... we should have stayed in bed.
Vis!
Give up the Stone, and she lives.
Hands off.
Come on. Come on. Come on, you gotta get up. You gotta get up. Come on. Hey. Hey. We have to go.
Please. Please leave.
You asked me to stay... I'm staying.
Please.
Get up.
Get up.
I can't.
We don't wanna kill you. But we will.
You'll never get the chance again.
Can you stand?
Thank you, Captain.
Let's get you on the jet.
I thought we had a deal. Stay close, check in. Don't take any chances.
I'm sorry. We just wanted time.
Where to, Cap?
Home.
Shhh. We'll be safe. We'll be safe.
Zehobereians…
Mother! Where's my mother?!
Choose a side, or die.
Mother!
One side is a revelation. The other, an honor known only to a few.
What's wrong, little one?
My mother. Where is my mother?
What's your name?
Gamora.
You're quite the fighter, Gamora. Come. Let me help you. Look. Pretty, isn't it? Perfectly balanced. As all things should be. Too much to one side, or the other… Here. You try.
Now go in peace, and meet your Maker.
Concentrate. There! You've got it.
Gamora. Do you know if these grenades are the "blow off your junk" kind or the gas kind? 'Cause I was thinking I might hang a couple on my belt right here. But I don't want to-
I need to ask a favor.
Yeah, sure.
One way or another, the path that we're on leads to Thanos.
Which is what the grenades are for. I'm sorry. What's the favor?
If things go wrong… If Thanos gets me… I want you to promise me… you'll kill me.
What?
I know something he doesn't. If he finds out… The entire Universe could be at risk.
What do you know?
If I tell you, you'd know, too.
If it's so important, shouldn't I?
Only if you wanna die.