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Empathy and Listening

"Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place." — Daniel Pink

  • Assholes, Jerks and Dickheads Are People Too - by Neil McGregor. Takeaway: "There is worrying trend on LinkedIn and in the business media in general. The labelling of people into categories labelled Assholes, Jerks and Dickheads. I have to say this worries me for a number of reasons, not the least of which, is the fact that some pretty heavy hitters are using the terms and in turn influencing many others to think along similar narrow minded lines. No doubt many if not all of us have had the unfortunate opportunity to work with some difficult folk, but labelling and discarding them helps no-one." The article encourages empathy and staying focused on someone's humanity.

  • Building Software with the Empathy Spectrum - by Andrea Goulet. Empathy is a skill, and requires context and cultivation. Leaders are wise to master it. "Empathy is a competitive advantage. It helps us build better products and solve better problems by getting to the heart of what’s important to those of us who are human — connection to each other. As leaders, it’s our job to build software organizations where empathy is encouraged and people can grow both intellectually and emotionally."

  • Dealing with Surprising Human Emotions: Desk Moves - by Lara Hogan. Takeaway: an examination of people's emotional reactions when asked to move seats, using Paloma Medina’s BICEPS model and a pitch to understand people's core needs.

  • Empathy: The Missing Ingredient in Effective Software Development (video) - by Daniel Bryant. Takeaway: "When gathering requirements and performing business analysis, it is obvious that the ability to experience from within another user/customer/being's frame of reference is a valuable skill, but the same can be said when writing code. If we follow Martin Fowler’s train of thought where 'any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand' we can see that empathy is at the heart of this skill."

  • Forming Stronger Bonds with People at Work - by Monica C. Worline, Jane E. Dutton and Ashley E. Hardin. Takeaway: "Too many people think of compassion and connection with others as a nice-to-have in organizations. But if people feel like they belong and genuinely care about one another, they will be more creative, resilient, and eager to contribute at work. It’s tempting to ignore distress, and suffering and pretend like they have no place in our offices. But the human experience of pain is going to show up, whether we invite it or not, and the only way to respond is with compassion."

  • Hanlon’s Razor: Relax, Not Everything Is Out to Get You — by Farnam Street. Takeaway: Don’t assign malicious intent to people and situations when unintentional mistakes might be the cause of things not working as you’d expected or wanted.

  • How the Former CTO of Kickstarter Finds Meaning in Leading - by Michelle. Takeaway: a profile of James Turnbull that covers leadership basics but also delves into his thoughts and implementations of empathy, including his work at Empatico (a startup for facilitating empathy in schoolchildren).

  • The Secret to Leading Organizational Change Is Empathy - by Patti Sanchez. Takeaway: "I’ve observed the same thing time and time again: How information is communicated to employees during a change matters more than what information is communicated ... A lack of audience empathy when conveying news about an organizational transformation can cause it to fail."

  • Weathering the Emotional Storms of a Crisis — A Tactical Guide for Individual Contributors and Managers - by First Round. Takeaway: lessons in crisis management by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy, authors of No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work.

  • Which Factors Shape Our Empathy? - by Emiliana R. Simon-Thomas. Takeaway: A summary of what empathy is from a neuroscientific and psychological approach, with a link to an empathy quiz included. Offered by UC Berkeley's "Greater Good" magazine.

  • Your Most Important Skill: Empathy - by Chad Fowler. Takeaway: Includes a long-ish list of compelling reasons why empathy truly is your most important skill as a leader, and several suggestions on how to practice empathy: listen; watch and wonder; know your enemies, and choose the other side. "We all have friends and loved ones that complain to us about how they have been treated by other people. It’s human nature to complain and it’s the duty of a loved one to listen sympathetically. The assumption is that the listener is on the side of the complainer. A supportive friend or loved one almost always is, instinctually. Try practicing (internally) taking the opposing view point. Don’t go with your default reaction immediately. Start on the other side and work your way back."

Listening

  • If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?: My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating - by Alan Alda. Takeaway: "We were developing empathy and the ability to be aware of what was happening in the mind of another person. This, we realized, is the key, the fundamental ingredient without which real communication can't happen. Developing empathy and learning to recognize what the other person is thinking are both essential to good communication, and are what this book is about."

  • Listening Is the Job - by Andrew Bosworth. Takeaway: Have a system for taking in/consuming information; maximize signal-to-noise ratio; give feedback; proactively identify gaps in your information flows; write notes to remember reactions you have through the day; tell your story; be clear about the information you seek; and listen.

  • The Power of Listening in Helping People Change - by Guy Itzchakov and Avraham N. (Avi) Kluger. Takeaway: "More than 20 years ago, one of us (Kluger) analyzed 607 experiments on feedback effectiveness and found that feedback caused performance to decline in 38% of cases. This happened with both positive and negative feedback, mostly when the feedback threatened how people saw themselves."

  • Why Is It So Hard to Listen - by Happy Melly. Takeaway: "Not only is listening a key factor in being an effective communicator and a strong leader, it’s also one of the basic necessities when it comes to enhancing our emotional intelligence and living in the moment — which ultimately contributes to our overall happiness at work and in life." Includes listening challenges to help you improve.